August 2019 Reviews

The Polygamist's Daughter by Anna LeBaron

I had heard of this book, but when I read recently that the author was related to the author of The Sound of Gravel I was even more interested to read this one. While Anna's story is terrible and it's amazing that she survived and became a "normal" adult, it wasn't as well-written as The Sound of Gravel in my opinion. Anna is the child of Ervil LeBarron - one of the most notorious cult leaders of a polygamous offshoot of Mormonism. She barely knows her father and is constantly woken up in the middle of night to move somewhere trying to constantly evade the police and the FBI. When she is 14 she eventually escapes and moves in with an older sister and her family who had already left the cult. But, around the time she graduates from high school her brother-in-law Mark is murdered by members of her father's cult, even though he has long since died. Shortly afterward Mark's wife, Anna's sister, commits suicide leaving their 6 children orphans. Only after Anna is married and a mother herself does she finally allow herself to start healing and feel all the emotions she buried so deeply as a child and teenager. It's truly a miracle that she and her husband's marriage survived and that she was able to raise her children in the kind of healthy home she never had. Her story is one of survival and how she was able to rise above the life of her childhood into a happy, healthy life as an adult.

Women's Work: a reckoning with work and home by Megan K. Stack

Megan Stack left her job as a foreign correspondent when she got pregnant. She wanted to write a book and knew that work + baby + writing a book was just too much. Her husband made enough money to support them in Beijing, so she decided to work on the book before and once she had the baby. But, she was ill-prepared for the realities of having a newborn. She rarely got any sleep and could barely keep up the bare minimum of chores, much less any writing. So, like many wealthy people she hired help. But, hiring help opened her eyes to the plight of poor, domestic workers, especially women of color, yet she realized she was completely dependent on that paid help. Stack vacillated between wanting to have more of a real relationship with her help (who all had children of their own that they were handing off to someone else in order to help her with her children) and also not really wanting to know the reality of their lives outside her home. She also realized what women since the beginning of time have known that women do EVERYTHING while men go off to work and come home with the expectation of a clean house, well-behaved children, and a hot meal. While her focus became how women of her class "need" help and the sub-class of domestic workers that that creates, the real issue I see is emotional labor and how little her husband was expected to do in maintaining their shared home. She never gets much into what their life was like before children other than they both traveled a lot, but who cleaned then? who cooked? who made household appointments? who met the HVAC guy? etc. Stack is a good writer and I was interested in her story, but it was much less about the class of domestic help workers and more about her unease with being so dependent on this help.

There were a lot of mixed reviews about this book. Was Stack likeable? Not really. Did her husband come across as a dick? YES. I don't doubt that Stack loves her children, but she didn't strike me as someone who really wanted children. I'm still not sure why she had children when she really seemed to love her work and life before and couldn't manage even one day with them on her own. Maybe she bought into the lie that having children is the only way to have a "real family" or to be "complete". Whatever her reasoning she does come across as spoiled and helpless and her husband comes across as useless and uninterested in her and the children. Despite all this it was an interesting book and will hopefully open up some discussions about child-raising and our dependence on cheap, domestic help.

Some quotes I really liked:

"It was motherhood that forced me to understand the timeless horror of our position. The obvious, hidden-in-plain-sight reason women had not written novels or commanded armies or banked or doctored or explored or painted at the same rate as men. The cause was not, as I had been led to believe, that women had been prevented from working. Quite the opposite: we had been doing all of the work, around the clock, for centuries." (p. 35)

"This line of thought was dangerous. If I found out too much, if the facts were too grim, then I might conclude that my domestic arrangement was fundamentally unfair. That was my formless and underlying fear: that if I understood too much, I might have to rip apart the status quo. I could either drown or I could wear Xiao Li as a life vest. There was no third choice." (p. 46)

"I was new to India. I didn't know yet that domestic staff are routinely forbidden to sit on their bosses' furniture, drink from their cups, or eat from their plates. I didn't understand that, for millions of women across India, domestic work was not a path to upward mobility, but a life sentence. Society deemed them more respectable than sex workers, but only just. Their willingness to work in other people's homes marked them as dirty and undesirable. I didn't know any of that, but I would learn." (p. 128-9)

"This was welcome because Sundays were a recurrent disaster. Every seventh day, the cheerful fictions of our domestic life were painfully exposed as a batch of lies. On Sunday Tom discovered that hanging out with tiny children was not a sun-washed field and overflowing picnic basket, but a jumble of physical needs and messy rooms and senseless tears. On Sunday I discovered that my partner didn't know where the diapers were kept and thought it prudent to let crusty dishes fester in the sink because a 'maid' would arrive twenty-four hours later. By the time the sun set on the Sabbath, we were often simmering and hardly speaking." (p. 166)

"And yet honest discussion of housework is still treated as taboo. For all her advice about holding one's place at work, this is a realm that Sheryl Sandberg has mostly managed to sidestep. Instead of addressing directly the employment of domestic workers in her home, she has pointed out that men aren't asked that question. By implication, since men aren't asked, she shouldn't have to answer. And she's half right - men aren't asked that question. But this is a dodge. Men ought to be asked. Everyone ought to be asked. Who's cooking the food, who's minding the kids, who's scrubbing the toilets? How do you manage to be out in the world, and if you are here, who is there?" (p. 328)

Travels With Foxfire by Phil Hudgins and Jessica Phillips

An entertaining collection of short stories about what life used to be like and still is today in the Southern Appalachian mountains. The subtitle sums it up well, "Stories of people, passions, and practices from Southern Appalachia." The stories are divided into topical sections - my favorite section title was "food fit to eat." The stories cover everything from famous people like author and farmer Dori Sanders to unknown, but interesting folks. While the stories were very interesting reading a book like this makes you realize how much of the "old ways" are being lost or could be lost in the next several years. But that's the point of Foxfire to capture and record these "old ways" and stories for posterity.

It Happened Like This: a life in Alaska by Adrienne Lindholm

When Adrienne Lindholm was a child her family took a month-long, cross-country trip to several National Parks from their home in Pennsylvania. This was when Lindholm first discovered her love of the outdoors and nature. In college she met a friend and they moved out to Colorado - working any job they could find just to be able to live out West. After several years of adventures in several Western states Adrienne gets a job as a park ranger in Denali National Park in Alaska - the ultimate outdoor adventure destination. Once in Alaska Lindholm loves it and finds a group of friends who all came to Alaska looking for adventure like she did. Eventually she falls in love and gets married and decides to stay in Alaska.

There were a few things I didn't love about this book. Lindholm talks about how before moving to Alaska she hated the idea of hunting, but once there she saw how many people depended on hunting for their food. She started being more open to hunting as a better alternative to the industrial food industry and did actually hunt, but then barely mentioned it again. It just seemed odd that she did it a few times and just dropped it. I was also disappointed that the last several chapters of the book were about her struggle with her husband over having children. He decided he couldn't live without children, but she was still on the fence. She eventually gave in and then they struggled with several miscarriages before finally having their daughter when Lindholm was almost 40. I don't begrudge their decision to have a child, but I'm tired of so many women who say they don't want children then giving in because it's expected or everyone else is having kids, etc. and now their life is complete. The book wasn't amazing, but the end was just not what I was expecting in terms of the focus of the book. It just goes to show that even in Alaska among very adventurous people there is still that pressure to "settle down" and have kids.

Growing Perennial Foods by Acadia Tucker

As a gardener I'm just getting started with perennial crops and would like to add more in the future. In this book Tucker does a great job of explaining the prep work of gardening in the first few chapters. She explains the importance of good soil and building soil and also planning out your garden based on your yard/space available. The majority of the book covers perennial plants by category - herbs, fruit, and vegetables. Each entry gives basic info about that plant like varieties, companion plants, etc. then best places to plant that type of plant, how to plant, growing, challenges, and harvest. Each entry also includes one recipe using that plant/produce. Overall, a good look at starting to grow perennials.

The Woman's Hour: the great fight to win the vote by Elaine Weiss

In 1920 suffragists had been fighting for women's right to vote for 70 years. In the summer of 1920 thirty-five states had voted for the 19th amendment to the US Constitution, but thirty-six were need to ratify the amendment and Tennessee could make or break this fight. In The Woman's Hour three very different women come together in Tennessee for this fight. Carrie Catt was the president of the National American Women Suffrage Association (the more mainstream suffragist group). Sue White was a young activist for the more radical suffragist group the National Women's Party. And Josephine Pearson was the president of the Tennessee State Association Opposed to Woman Suffrage. All three of these women would work to pull in local support for their group and cause and meet with dozens of Tennessee lawmakers to try to persuade them to vote on their side. This book focuses on the last six weeks leading up to the Tennessee vote on the 19th amendment. While the subject matter is fascinating I felt like the book got bogged down in details. I appreciated learning more about the 3 women who were the focus of the book, but there was just a LOT of detail about everyone involved in all sides of this issue. It reminded me in some ways of Hidden Figures a really great story, but just too bogged down in minute detail to really read as well as I hoped. It is amazing to read how many women fought against suffrage, but then women are still fighting against women's issues to this day. It was also interesting to see just how tied suffrage and abolition were - basically anything that threatened white men being in power was a hard fight to win. And even though abolition was granted first, I still think white women had it better than anyone of color during that time. Freedom on paper is not the same as actual equality - something we're still fighting for to this day. Overall, it wasn't a great book, but I'm glad I read it to know more about just how hard women fought for this basic right.

Some quotes I liked:

"Woman suffrage could upend the supremacy of the white race and the southern way of life. After the brutal disruptions of the Civil War and the upheavals of Reconstruction - when black men were allowed to vote (and some were even elected to the legislature) but former Confederate soldiers were considered traitors and stripped of their voting rights - the southern states had finally achieved a degree of equilibrium, in terms of restoring racial and political relations, the Pearson family believed. Jim Crow laws kept blacks in their place. But if a federal amendment mandated suffrage for all women, that would mean black women, too. Then Washington could demand that black men be allowed to vote, and that was totally unacceptable." (p. 11)

"Even in the few instances where Suffs were victorious in the border states of the old Confederacy, as in Arkansas, they still had to endure the rabid rants of defiant legislators: 'I'd rather see my daughter in a coffin than at the polls,' one doting father exclaimed during floor debate in Little Rock." (p. 95)

[After the 19th amendment passed in Tennessee Carrie Catt wrote] "The vote is the emblem of your equality, women of America, the guaranty of your liberty. That vote of yours has cost millions of dollars and the lives of thousands of women. Women have suffered agony of soul which you can never comprehend, that you and your daughters might inherit political freedom. That vote has been costly. Prize it! The vote is a power, a weapon of offense and defense, a prayer. Use it intelligently, conscientiously, prayerfully. Progress is calling to you to make no pause. Act!" (p. 323-24)

"On November 2, 1920, American women did act - they voted. About ten million women went to the polls, just over a third of the eligible female electorate; nationwide, an estimated three women voted for every five voting men. Women voted in every state except Mississippi and Georgia, which, in an effort to prevent black women from participating, refused to extend registration deadlines to allow women enfranchised by the Nineteenth Amendment to cast ballots." (p. 325)

[After much violence toward black women voting predominantly in the South] "After the election, NAACP officers testified before Congress, bringing documentary evidence of the violent suppression of black women's and men's vote in the southern states. A veteran white suffragist, Mary Ovington, begged her suffrage comrades to help: 'We must not rest until we have freed the black as well as the white of our sex,' she implored. 'Will you not show us how to make the 19th Amendment the democratic reality that it purports to be?' It is a race issue, not a woman's issue, insisted Alice Paul in refusing to allow her National Women's Party to take a stand on black women's disenfranchisement. With rare exceptions, white suffragists, satisfied that they finally possessed the vote, ignored the plight of their black sisters for almost the next half century." (p. 328)

"Although white women completed their quest for the vote in 1920, other Americans would have to wait. Native Americans finally succeeded in convincing Congress to grant them citizenship and suffrage in 1924, yet many Native Americans continued to be barred from voting by state laws until 1957. Asian Americans, even native born, were not permitted to become citizens or vote until the mid-twentieth century: Chinese Americans were not allowed citizenship or suffrage until 1943; for those of Asian Indian descent, these rights were withheld until 1946; and Japanese Americans were forced to wait until 1952. African Americans in southern states, while possessing suffrage on paper, could not freely exercise their franchise until 1965 and still face obstacles. It is perhaps telling that in a stubborn stance on states' rights, some states that had rejected ratification of the amendment waited decades to finally make a symbolic acceptance: though it had no bearing on (white) women's ability to vote, Maryland did not officially ratify the Nineteenth Amendment until 1958; Mississippi waited until 1984." (p. 329)

Everything Happens for a Reason: and other lies I've loved by Kate Bowler - Books & Banter book club

Kate Bowler is a professor at the Duke Divinity School. Her specialty and the subject of her dissertation is the "prosperity gospel" a theology that believes whatever good that happens to you shows God's blessing, but if anything bad happens it's because of your lack or faith or some unconfessed sin in your life. When Kate is 35 she is diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. She has a husband she loves, a great career, and a 2-year-old son. At first her diagnosis is grim and she does not expect to live even a year. In struggling with her grief and illness she realizes she bought into the "prosperity gospel" mindset more than she realized. She also sees how with any illness or disaster people want some kind of control - I did this that caused this or if I do that it will fix it - when really we have no real control. Over the course of the first year of her diagnosis Kate learns slowly how to surrender and not try to do everything. She is honest about her fears, but also about the hope and love she feels from her family, friends, and colleagues. An honest look at terminal illness that feels hopeful, but not disingenuous. She also includes a helpful appendix of what NOT to say to someone in her shoes and also one of things you SHOULD say or do to help.

Some quotes I liked:

"What would it mean for Christians to give up that little piece of the American Dream that says, 'You are limitless'? Everything is not possible. The mighty Kingdom of God is not yet here. What if rich did not have to mean wealthy, and whole did not have to mean healed? What if being people of 'the gospel' meant that we are simply people with good news? God is here. We are loved. It is enough." (p. 21)

"I used to think that grief was about looking backward, old men saddled with regrets or young ones pondering should-haves. I see now that it is about eyes squinting through tears into an unbearable future." (p. 70)

"Even when I was still in the hospital, a neighbor came to the door and told my husband that everything happens for a reason. 'I'd love to hear it,' he replied. 'Pardon?' she said, startled. 'The reason my wife is dying,' he said in that sweet and sour way he has, effectively ending the conversation as the neighbor stammered something and handed him a casserole." (p. 112-13)

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan

Rachel Chu has been dating Nick Young for two years while they are both living in New York City. When Nick invites her home to Singapore for his best friend's wedding Rachel is excited to go and meet his family. But, Nick has not told Rachel that his family is unbelievably wealthy and Nick has also not told his family about Rachel at all. Rachel is in for a rough time trying to navigate Nick's huge extended family and the opulence of the wedding they are attending. Nick is also a very desirable catch being from an old money Chinese family, so Rachel is also in for some serious back-stabbing from jealous women who want to get their hooks in Nick and his family money. Will Rachel survive this trip? And will her relationship with Nick survive?

I was prepared to hate this book as it's not what I normally would want to read. But, since my book club voted it in I was going to at least try. I quickly found myself wanting to know what was going to happen with Rachel and Nick. I liked it, but I'm not quite sure if I liked it enough to read the next two in the series. But, it should make for some good book club discussion.

Let It Bang: a young black man's reluctant odyssey into guns by RJ Young

RJ Young didn't know much about guns other than they could get him killed. As a black man RJ wanted to stay as far away from guns as possible. But, when he starts dating Lizzie, a white woman who's whole family is VERY into guns he decides to learn to shoot to get closer to his future father-in-law Charles. RJ buys his first handgun, gets his conceal carry license, attends his first gun show, and eventually becomes an NRA-certified pistol instructor. All the while navigating this new world as a black man. He encounters his share of racist comments and "jokes," but wants to prove to his in-laws and the gun world that he can not just learn, but excel at shooting. A very interesting look at the pro-gun world through the eyes of a black man.

Some quotes I liked:

"...the number of police shootings of blacks in that year - and certainly today - is nearly equal to the average number of black people who were lynched in this country at the height of 'separate but (un)equal.'" (p. 50)

"I was enduring the occasional quizzical look and snide comment from other [gun range] patrons too. The ones that stuck bit through to the marrow of who I am. Ain't you supposed to be shooting a basketball? and Hold it sideways, it's more your people's style were two of the less clever barbs along those lines." (p. 73-4)

[At the NRA instructor training class during a break] "...[a police officer taking the class] said, 'I know what you're doing.' 'I'm sorry?' [the police officer] looked irritated now. 'I know what you're doing. You're gonna teach them to shoot back.'" (p. 113)

"This apathy is the emotion I hate most. It makes me angriest and most fearful. If this man, intent on demonstrating to our class the importance of his services [U.S. Law Shield], chooses to make his case by citing an incident that half the country believes was a murder [Trayvon Martin being shot by George Zimmerman] - if he doesn't have the sensitivity to see me in the room and choose a different example, it shows that he doesn't believe I'm worth the effort. So why would anyone else who believes what he believes try to engage with me in a positive way? How do I begin a dialogue with a person like that? How do I convince him that my fears are real, and that he directly contributes to them?" (p. 120)

When I Spoke in Tongues by Jessica Wilbanks

Jessica Wilbanks grew up in a poor, working class area of southern Maryland. Her father was a bricklayer and her mother stayed home with Jessica and her brothers. Their family struggled financially and moved from rental house to rental house. They were also very involved in a small, Pentecostal church. Their church valued speaking in tongues which they believed was an outward sign of God's blessing on your life. Jessica received this gift when she was 11 shortly after she was baptized, but just two years later she would inwardly renounce her faith. As a teenager she began to rebel and looked forward to graduating from high school and getting out of her claustrophobic home and small town. In college she cemented her disbelief and rarely even spoke about her childhood church experiences. But, in graduate school she started researching the roots of the Pentecostal faith and was drawn to visit Nigeria where the Pentecostal church is growing by leaps and bounds. In the end she never returns to the faith of her childhood, but is able to make peace with it and with her family.

I wasn't sure what to expect with this book, but I was not expecting the majority of it to take place and focus on Nigeria. I know this was Jessica's path to working through her own faith issues, but it seemed more about Nigerian Pentecostalism and less about her. The first half also ends on a very odd note of her being checked into a treatment facility for anorexia - which was never even hinted at before that chapter. I felt like a lot of her personal story was somewhat glossed over. I really didn't enjoy the book and had to make myself finish the second half.

A quote I liked:

"The faith that did so much good for the people of Nigeria seemed to be behind so many wrongs as well. The very pastors who greeted me so warmly after church services were the same ones who were spreading the idea that people could be possessed by witches. There didn't seem any way that I'd be able to follow all the tangled threads within the history of the church and find some pure kernel of good or evil underneath it all." (p. 219)